I’ve been coming across a lot of really great articles recently. I thought I might want to share this great article that highlights the difference between having lists and standards when choosing someone for a long term relationship – well yes, someone to marry.
I remember when I was in grade school and high school. I’ve had crushes on the likes of Prince Eric (of Little Mermaid) and who could forget Aurora (of Sleeping Beauty’s) prince? *deep and heavy sigh*
By the appearance of drop-dead gorgeous male cartoons on VHS, who could deny the inevitability of wanting our ideal man to possess those physically attractive features? Other than those features we can see, we’re magnetized by the way they smile and peer through our souls and… nyamnyalablablabla Insert all the other dreamy characteristics men can have or draw us to. A contention to this is the many “types” there are and I won’t name them all here because they’re just too many!
Why am I mentioning all of this? Well, only because I remember the countless boring classes I took in Grade School and High School dedicated to writing lists and comparing and exchanging them with my friends – not to mention pasting those really cute Lisa Frank stickers on our favorite points. Let me remember a couple:
– taller than me
– likes sports but isn’t so buff – preferably tennis or basketball
– has a nice smile
– doesn’t need to like the stuff that I like
(Well, that’s about as far as I remember.) But what this list is all about makes it so incredibly overwhelming how detailed we can get with our lists. Who knows how far these lists can go on for? This insistence of detail makes us so “picky.”
Nowadays, whenever I hear the word “picky” come out of anyone’s mouth, the word reverberates out of a rather angry and tough tone as if it were a poisonous word to spit out.
I guess it makes sense why being picky according to one’s ideal is perplexing. This article makes a great comparison between lists and standards. It mentions that lists are commonly used for the supermarket. Whenever we need to buy something – we make a checklist such as: ground beef, milk, yakult, chicken, noodles etc. Sometimes we can go to the specifics like: 5 pieces tetra-pack non-fat Alaska milk, 1kg. of 10 year old brie cheese etc.
In the article, standards are set apart by mentioning: Like lists, they come in handy when grocery shopping but they tell us not to buy moldy garlic, rotten eggs or hormone-laden chicken breasts. They help us evaluate the quality of what we’re seeing.
It says: “Standards help us in dating when they help us assess whether or not the potential mates we meet are capable of becoming good and loving spouses.”
It moves onto say that these standards should be universal, non-negotiable to all men and women and these are the following:
1. Belief that love is never asking someone to commit a mortal sin
2. Willingness to raise a faith-filled family & Grow in Love and Virtue
3. Honesty, Kindness, Fidelity & Industry
You can check out the original article here.
The article explains that nowadays these standards have been compromised. It’s true. I think that we’re paying attention to our checklists more than valuing our standards. What’s taken up to a greater regard are the superficial rather than the essential which is prime reason as to why there’s a lot of personal (male/female) brokenness and brokenness in relationships.
Just to touch on superficiality, I find it strange when we celebrate the “gorgeousness” of men even more when they’re being venerated for their god-like beauty. It’s as if we’re proclaiming the validity for men’s vanity! We should seriously give men a hard time, not out of vanity’s sake but, for the sake of letting their virtue come afloat.
But apart from challenging men to uphold their dignity in the face of any situation – women should be continually and consistently the forerunners and heralds of the aforementioned virtues.
If you ask me, we have a daily heavy task that must be the reason behind our nature of being pursued. Yup, that’s right, you heard me – we’re meant to be pursued.
Ladies, let’s act and dress accordingly.